On a cool night, I walked into the backyard hoping to get some alone time to sit on the backyard swing and think about life. To my disappointment I saw my parents were already in my spot. They didn’t see me because they were so immersed in conversation. My dad had his arm around my mum. They both had a cup of tea in their hands. They were talking and laughing. Mum would occasionally throw a ball for our family dog to play fetch. He would come running back and lay down at her feet. Then I realized I was immersed in this moment too. By the sheer beauty of it. It struck me that this is success. This is the kind of success I want. Happiness. To one day, sit in my beautiful house, with the love of my life and a beautiful family and be utterly content. It’s not all about money and wealth. True success is in being happy with the life you make for yourself.
Now, I’m not saying I don’t have ego, but the aim is to one day eradicate it completely. I work towards that goal everyday. To be that person who sees that someone has read my message and hasn’t replied and not be bitter about it. To go ahead and reply immediately if it’s convenient instead of ignoring them back as some sort of payback.
Everything in life would be so much easier if we were all straightforward about what we want and how we feel without letting our ego get in the way. Instead of thinking “oh, why can’t they text me first” just text them! You want to meet someone, just meet them! You don’t have to wait for them to ask. Your ego stems from the fear of what people think about you, but honestly it doesn’t matter what they think. Just do what your heart desires, let yourself be happy.
All this I write while I refuse to text someone back because they don’t pay as much attention anymore. Some days I lose my own battles.
This is probably something I talk about a lot, but I still can’t seem to have it figured out. I don’t know if it’s exclusive to my generation or if this is how it has been for everyone in their twenties, but I’ve come to notice that any form of relationship whether it’s romantic or platonic isn’t valued as much as it used to be. Maybe it’s because the level to which technology has advanced allows us to feel like everyone in our life is replaceable in a few clicks and swipes. But they’re not. Every single person we meet has something to offer that no one else can. Everyone is unique. One thing I’ve noticed in my circle (myself included) is that everyone has been hurt emotionally one way or another leading to issues like commitment phobia and trust issues. I don’t blame them cause it stems from being cheated on, used, replaced etc.
When you really think about it, it’s this mentality that people can be replaced that leads to people being used. Think about it, a hook up is a right swipe away, you feel validated, like you have a lot of friends cause you do on social media. But that’s the thing, no one is replaceable.
Yes, some people are terrible, they hurt you horribly, put you through unimaginable pain. But some people are amazing, full of magic and could heal your broken soul with their energy. I’ve had my fair share of painful, traumatizing emotional rollercoasters. I could have chosen to stop trusting people, loving them deeply and opening myself to people to keep myself safe. But instead I chose to learn that I can survive the worst and be even more daring.
I’d rather love fiercely and either get hurt or have an adventure to remember forever. Life’s too short to play it safe.